Through my mid and late 20s, I lived in my own space - I had no roommates. In fact, I’m pretty sure I didn’t even consider living with roommates. Since then, the cost of living and the loneliness epidemic has skyrocketed - and with it, my thinking has changed.
Maybe we don’t have to do this part of adulthood alone.
Living with people you care about in your late 20s or early 30s can be a radical way to take care of ourselves. It’s a choice that prioritizes the well-being of you and your chosen friends by building a home that makes you chosen family.
Of course there are downsides of family living and difficulties of transitioning to it, but I believe these issues aren’t dramatic. Most tension comes from the quiet stuff: mismatched habits, unspoken expectations, care that doesn’t get returned. But those are things we can name—and navigate—together.
Instead of fixing them as they come up, a group can build small systems ahead of time to keep the vibe strong, clear, and connected.
Here’s what that could look like:
- In the beginning, the group can learn about each other and what home means to each person. Do you like a spotless kitchen or a lived-in one? Are guests a “heads up” or a “drop by”? Understanding each other’s preferences help keep assumptions from becoming resentments.
- Setting up tools that work behind the scenes can do wonders. A shared calendar for guest nights. Labeled fridge space. A chore swap based on what each person secretly doesn’t mind doing. The point isn’t perfection—it’s ease.
- It’s important to check in on the vibe. Once a month (or whenever feels right), someone throws out: “How’s this all feeling lately?” It’s a simple prompt that keeps silence from growing into something bigger.
- When life shifts, the group can make room for it. One person might be in a hard season. Another might be entering their wedding-planning era. No one will always move at the same speed, and that’s okay—flexibility makes the home feel human.
- The glue is how the group cares for each other purposely. Movie nights. “I grabbed your oat milk” texts. Little jokes that stay funny for years. That’s the whole point.
- No one is aiming to be a perfect roommate.
Building a home means building a place where everyone can land softly after hard days — and maybe even grow alongside one another while together.