2019 has been quite the year for me personally, as well as in global conversation. In both areas, the concept of Home has been central. Personally, it's been about my home, where that is and how it feels. Globally it's been about ours, others and the world's.
I started my year deep in my basement room in Regina, SK. Dimly lit, cold, brooding. The rest of the year was full of starts and stops, and has left me exhausted.
To me Regina has a home, has my parents and their love, but it just isn't home. I bottled up until I exploded out of there, blasting to my favourite home of the past few years, Edmonton AB, where I began a nomad life of remote work and couch surfing.
I wanted to make Edmonton home again, I needed to find a job and to settle down. But things weren't settling and every day I stayed I was more of a nuisance for my revolving door of hosts. It was hard but doable because I felt at home again.
As I waited for job opportunities to develop in Edmonton, I went off to India. I found another home at my masi's house with my cousin sisters. I enjoyed living there, the hot weather made me lazy and everyone there had me fascinated. I didn't want to leave, no one wanted me to leave, but after 3 weeks I did.
I returned to Edmonton but this time it felt different. It felt like I was intruding on my revolving door of hosts. I was becoming malnourished. I clung to my friends in our social settings, it helped me feel like I still belonged but it just wasn't right.
It was so hard to leave Edmonton, but I needed a proper home not a ghost of one. Toronto promised to be better to me, I arrived in April moving in with my grandma. I quickly landed an ambitious and diverse job, a project for me to oogle over and worth pouring myself into.
The next several months were very blurry as I worked hard and long hours before finally burning out in October with the difficulties of my work-life balance. My heart didn't feel at home.
The rest of the year petered out with me trying to rest, trying to understand all the wear and tear from the year, and trying to take some lessons into 2020.
